Mum was the first of our family to become a believer. Over the next couple of years, we kids each made faith commitments. It took Dad another year or two. This is my family’s story, which, according to research by Thom Rainer, is an example of the most common pattern for unchurched families coming to faith. This pattern, combined with earlier research by Starke and Finke, helps us understand why ministry to families with young children – especially preschoolers – is one of the most fruitful areas of mission focus for local churches.
Based on my work over the past 25 years with a couple of hundred churches, I estimate around 80% of local churches identify families with little kids as a primary mission focus. Nowadays it’s unusual for find a church that’s not running a playgroup, mainly music or similar. For some churches, these programs form the centrepiece of a fruitful mission pathway. For others, it’s a lot of effort just to provide a community service. How do we understand the difference? Let’s dive into the research.
In their groundbreaking work on the sociology of religion, Rodney Stark and Roger Finke found that religious conversion is most likely to occur in a context where a person has made a geographical move and has experienced a change in their social position: new place, new friends. In the western world there are a couple of life stages where these changes are common. In the US and UK, young adults leave home to go to university – a change in location and social position all in one go. It’s why ministry to university students is particularly fruitful in these nations. In Australia, young people have more diverse patterns of transition to independent adulthood. But it tends to become a little more homogenous when it comes to starting a family: buy a house, settle in and try for kids. A new mum is likely to be relatively new to her neighbourhood, and is likely to take some extended time out of her career, or significantly shape her work around raising kids. Although mean are increasingly men taking a little time out too, the bigger disruption is overwhelmingly experienced by women. New location, new social position.
Parenthood is both daunting and isolating. Where a woman may have been a competent and confident professional pre-kids, parenthood throws her into a new, exhausting world of endless demands from a completely unreasonable being whose welfare is now her primary focus. Social media helpfully provides a torrent of conflicting, often baseless advice while flashing images of apparent super-mums doing it all with poise, confidence and artistic flair. Where she once had daily interaction with workplace peers, a new mum finds herself spending big chunks of time alone with her kid(s). While financial necessity and the intention to maintain a career pull women back into the workforce with increasing speed, parenthood often means that return is shaped around parenting responsibilities.
Survival instincts tend to make women natural networkers, so a nearby group made up of other women experiencing the same challenges represents an oasis of understanding and support. If a woman joining a new mum’s group or similar can find acceptance and a sense of belonging, the research suggests she’s likely to become curious about that group’s spirituality. A significant factor in developing such curiosity is forming solid friendships with people whose spiritual lives seem compelling: “I’ll have what she’s having.” If mum makes a faith commitment, it’s not unusual for the kids and then Dad to follow.
That’s not to say that the quality of a child’s experience of these programs is unimportant. A safe, welcoming and enjoyable experience for the child is absolutely pre-requisite. And, it’s not the determining factor between effective and ineffective kids ministry when it comes to making new disciples.
Want to learn more? Use the link below to sign up for Reaching Kids and Families on Tuesday February 25th, 10:00 AM – 11:30 AM Australian Eastern Daylight Time. It’s an inexpensive online workshop with solid theory and practical ideas about making kids and families ministry missionally effective. https://pathways4mission.com/product/reaching-kids-and-families-online-workshop/